hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
