I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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