As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize