Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So drunk its hurt
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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