Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
