Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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