Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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