I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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