She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
