Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
