Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
