Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
