I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
