well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
