dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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