handjob tips. give me some.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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