He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
