Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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