Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just found puke in my bra..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
