Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
