i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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