I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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