Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
