I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
