We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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