so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
