sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
