Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
