it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
