Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I die, sorry about rent.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
