so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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