i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize