I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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