Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
