he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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