what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
