They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
