Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
