It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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