the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
