I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize