he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
