this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize