there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
