I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
