oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize