Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
