I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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