You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
