I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
