would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
