My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
