The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
