I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
