Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
