Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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