i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
