my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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