just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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