i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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