The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
party gras won. party gras always wins.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
